I will be honest and admit, I miss the days when we could jump in the car with a beach towel and sunscreen and head out without so much as a backward glance. Being spontaneous is fun! Planning and scheduling makes me feel like a drill sergeant.
Nowadays, I feel like a Boy Scout- "be prepared" is my new mantra. For the sake of Noah and his diabetes management, I have trained myself to be stringent and organized. This, in itself is a miracle!
The one thing yet to change is my ability to let go, and trust that Noah will know what to do without me there to help him. The time has come to sign up for a really super fun summer program that our recreation department runs. He did not go last year, because he was still getting injections and not yet on the pump. Since they have no nurse at this facility, I felt it was best to wait until he was pumping and responsible enough to take care of himself.
He's now been pumping for 7 months, and he's very good and only needs accasional guidance and his meal carbs calculated. Should be no problem, right? Nope. I am scared to death to let him go. He will have a cell phone to call home. The place is less than 2 miles from my home, so by car, I could be there in 2 minutes. I keep trying to remind myself that it has to happen sometime.
Still, I worry. Everything could go wrong - or nothing could go wrong. Once again planning (praying), organizing (agonizing), and trusting will be my tools to make this more about Noah having fun with his peers, being a kid and having a great time, and less about feeling different or held back.