July 13, 2007

Blue


I have the diabetes blues.
With Noah's birthday being just last week, I've been thinking about my pregnancy and his birth alot lately.
From the very moment I found out we were going to have a baby, I was elated, but that feeling was laced with worry. Will we be good parents? Will he sleep through the night? What happens if he sticks a Cheerio up his nose?


What if he gets sick?


While I realize good health and good fortune is never guaranteed, I firmly believe there is a purpose behind every life moment. We do not have total control , but we have been given a strength that comes from deep within, and is mostly hidden until we need to tap into it.


This kind of positive thinking only gets me so far. There have been numerous times over the years when my resolve dwindled to non-existent proportions and that well of strength ran dry.


Diabetes is at the very least, something I can sort of control. Even so, knowing that you have to do everything just right (and sometimes even THAT is not good enough) and if you mess up, you could put your child at serious risk is at times too much for me to handle.


I am flawed, and that terrifies me.

3 comments:

Penny said...

I wrote in a post one time that one of the happiest moments of my life has been tainted by diabetes.

When I think of Riley's birth, there is a little tug at my heart, because we had no idea what was coming down the road.

But, on the brighter side, I wouldn't change a thing. Yes, I am flawed and yes I do screw up occasionaly, but I am also blessed beyond belief. Too blessed to even put into words.

Shannon said...

I've had ebbs and flows of strength throughout the years too.

We're here to support you during your blue moment :)

Your efforts are refected in the fact that he had a big smile on his face in the picture you posted of him at his party.

You're doing a great job whether you feel that way or not :)

Erin D. said...

Lea, if you are flawed, then all people should be flawed like you, because you are one of the best people I have known!

Sending you a hug honey! Love Ya!