September 19, 2008

The reality of it.

Running away from the whole diabetes thing seems so appealing as of late. I'm sure anyone that's been affected by diabetes in it's many forms can commiserate with me. At around 4:30 the other morning, Noah crawled into bed with us, feeling low. Normally, I don't get worried when he's low- we just go through the motions of testing, juicing and re-checking in a robotic sort of way.

This time though, I could hear a whisper of fear in Noah's sleepy voice as my husband tested his blood glucose (it was tough even getting any blood...his fingers were so cold that morning) first once, only to get an error message, and then again. Not one to usually complain, Noah let down his guard down, and quietly exhaled, "I hate pricking my fingers"...

I hugged him close, and reassured him that it's okay to feel that way from time to time, and that we're so proud of him for putting up with all that he does every day.

Noah's frustration over that morning's testing didn't stay with him for long. He followed through with his day with his usual exuberance, and happiness that I love so much about him, but for me, that sinking sick feeling of not being able to "fix" my child wouldn't stop it's nagging. How I wish I could chase diabetes away, protect him from it, or take it on as my own. He never gets a break. His fingers and pump sites always hurt. He constantly has to plan, and put aside the spontaneity of youth. It worries me when the cracks in Noah's diabetes armor start to show. Even though it's been 3 years and counting, I still feel like like a diabetes newbie, and I don't always know the right things to say or do when it comes to helping him navigate life with d.

How do you push through the rough times?


k2 said...

Pushing through the d rough times is not always easy, but I always remember what my dad used to tell me.
"Do what you gotta Kel."
I can bitch all I want, and there are times when I bitch loudly.
But in order to live my life, I have to do what I have to regarding life and diabetes.
I've also found that humor is key. If I can find something to laugh at during or after a grueling moment, then I not only own that moment, (instead of it owning me,) but I've overcome that moment, moved passed it, and learned from it.

Jillian said...

Try to acknowledge the suckiness when you need to(excuse the vocabulary choice) and move on. The bad moments come, but should never be outweighed by all of the good ones. Diabetes shouldn't have to coat every aspect of your life, it's just a small part of the huge puzzle.

Scott K. Johnson said...

I hear ya!

I wish I had an easy answer for you. But don't worry, he'll figure it out. We all have. We all find a way to cope with it somehow or another, and grow up to lead a very full life.

Just be there for him and continue to be such fantastic parents.

Shannon said...

I just kind of put up with the sinking feeling I get and it eventually fades away.

It's difficult to let it roll off your shoulders all the time. Sometimes it just gets too heavy. But it eventually lightens up a bit to give some relief. And then it gets heavy again, LOL. Never ending cycle.

George said...

I don't know if there is something to say. I think letting him get it out is the best thing and the hugs.

Hugs help a lot. Sometimes they are much better than words. imo

Araby62 (a.k.a. Kathy) said...

I'm with Kelly--lots of cursing, sometimes (:-X Other times, just a hug, like George said. I feel for you guys (:-) Hang in there.

meanderings said...

Aww Lea, I can only add mom advice but it's hard when your kids hurt - with or without D. The hugs and your support will always help Noah get through the tough times.

Ashley said...

i've had it 15 years and i still get angry at it. pretty often, actually. when i was noah's age, my mom brought me this handmade doll with no face and said it was my dammit doll, and when i got mad at diabetes i could beat it up, throw it, stomp on it, and it wouldn't fall apart.

copious amounts of swearing also helps.

Lea said...

thank you guys for all your supportive words and helpful ideas- I really appreciate it :)

Bernard said...

I'm sure Noah already knows this, but it's important to make sure.

He should know that getting diabetes had nothing to do with any of you. It just happens.

Make sure he also knows that you're going to be there for him. Later he probably won't need that so much, right now I'm sure it's a great consolation to him.

Each time I've met Noah I'm impressed that he's a normal kid with a hidden disease, I know he'll be fine. But that doesn't help so much when things are difficult.

Anonymous said...

Hi. My son's had diabetes almost 20 years...he's nearly 21. I think when I started to reach out to others it helped. It also helped a lot to work towards a cure - which can be done simply by raising awareness of the need to cure type 1 diabetes, having articles written, contacting government representatives....and/or raising money for cure-focused research. Since I can't take it away from him, I try to at least make sure he has the best care, access to the greatest technological advances and provide emotional support. Who supports me as a mom? I guess I have to provide my own emotional support, although I attend groups too.